i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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