I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
