no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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