You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
