Too much gin, very little bucket
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
