I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
