i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
