found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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