tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
