i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
