She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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