oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
