i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
