her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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