i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
