thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
