Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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