This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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