I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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