hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she peed on how many people?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
