Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
