history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
