If that was your dad, he is hot
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
