you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
