Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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