he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
