Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
