this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
