You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
