Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
