So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
