so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My vagina just recognized that song.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize