somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
as a side note pls kill me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
