One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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