discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
