I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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