O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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