Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
