I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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