call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
