we have officially lost it.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
