You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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