therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
being pregnant is like rehab
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
