I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
