2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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