god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need moral support for this bender
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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