dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
