There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
