do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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