p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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