Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
