haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
