Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
