just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
