i need an iv and a liver transplant
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
