She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
