I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I CAN MOONWALK!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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