I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
