The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
