Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
