someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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