Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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