I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize