So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
