Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
