In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they need to just BURY HIM!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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