My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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