the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
