Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize