Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dick very happy bro
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
