I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
