Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
