you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
