This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
