did you get engaged???
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
